So today was and is today. Sleepy! I didn't go to class today, I just needed a day off. I had my Organic exam yesterday. I studied my butt off for that exam, and I pretty much got no sleep because I was so stressed over it. I hope I did okay, but I guess we'll see, won't we?
It was weird, last night I was sitting at the computer, thinking that it would be nice to talk to someone, when suddenly at once 3 people sent me instant messages. It cheered me up, especially to chat with Vickie. We talked about all things random and it was great. I talked to Pumpkin and Huong and it was just nice to hear from people I miss.
Today, instead of going to class I went to the computer lab and emailed about that lab job opening, and I felt so proud of myself for going after it. But wouldn't you know it, my email came back as undeliverable. So I guess tomorrow I'll be faxing my application or calling someone if I have the time. I did go to Aero and finally return those jeans that I mistakenly bought too long. And, the fun part was I went to Michael's and got lots and lots of scrapbook stuff to make Tiffany's wedding scrapbook album. Who knew putting a scrapbook together would end up costing like $40? But I wanted to make this the best wedding present she recieved from anyone, so the time, effort, and money are well worth it. I'll have to remember that the next time I'm ready to throttle her!
Tomorrow is supposed to be a rather easy day for me. I've really only got one class to go to, but I'll be hanging around until noon, so that I can go to the premed club meeting and pick up my choir robe. Then I'm out of there! YEA! I can't wait for Halloween, I plan to rent Harry Potter and light candles and have a spooky night of it.

I'm having a better today than yesterday. I'm going to go to bed here soon, but I just felt like clearing my head before I go to bed.

It wasn't a bad day and I actually got a bit accomplished, although it feels like I didn't do much of anything. I cleaned up my bedroom that horribly needed it, and I went out to Stepping Stone Falls with Daddy and got some pictures of mallards and Canadian Geese and Seagulls. (I can hear Dr. Szuch yelling right now that there's no such thing as a "seagull"!!!!)

It was a pretty chill day. I know I should have been studying Organic chem, but I just needed a mental break. Besides, I figure studying tomorrow and Tuesday will more than suffice, because that will be about 2 more days of study time then I put in for the last exam.

Other than that, not much to say. I was too lazy to go out to the car and get my John Mayer cds (all 5 of them!) , so I just listened to some of the Beatles MP3 I have on the hard drive. It was a much needed mental chill day. Thank God for them, because they are much needed!

So it looks like it's official. I turned in my senior audit on Tuesday, so God willing, I'll be graduating in May after 5 years of college. I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do with this degree, and I keep waving back and forth trying to figure out if med school is what's right for me. I'm not even sure my grades are good enough. I have above a 3.0, but still. I'm just tired of thinking about it all. I keep wondering if I should go to the Career Development Center and see if they can find me an internship somewhere, maybe in a micro lab or in forensics. I wouldn't mind saying I was a forensic scientist for a living.

I'm just finding life so weird and strange after Belle died. I mean, I know she was a dog, and life goes on, but does it go on the same way after you lose something or someone you loved so dearly? It's given me this unhealthy fixation on my mortality. I'm not suicidal or something horrible like that, but I keep being fixated on the fact that, life is extremely short, and I'm going to die one day. Morbid thoughts I know, but I can't keep them out of my head. I keep thinking, what's the point? I'm going to be dead one day. I keep thinking it's like when you're a kid and it seems like summer vacation is a million years away. Well, summer gets there, before you even know it. I keep thinking that's how death will be, something you don't really think will happen to you, something you think is a million years down the road, and then suddenly, you've reached the last day of your life whether or not you realize it or not.

In honesty, I guess this is a result of not having adequate time to grieve, and this sudden questioning of God that keeps running through my head. The thing is, I never used to question the existence of God, or my beliefs in him. Now suddenly, I keep thinking, hmm maybe there is something to this evolution thing, and if there is a God who's to say I'm right? Is there only one way to believe in God, and everyone else is doomed to hell? And for some reason, the idea of a "heaven" where everyone lives for all eternity, where there is no beginning and no end, freaks me out. What do you mean no end? What do you mean forever and ever and ever? Somehow, to me, that's scarier than the thought of death. At least with death it's done.

I still believe in God, I guess I'm just questioning how I believe in Him. This is just a very odd, weird time in my life.

I'm feeling kind of weird today. I'm in that hump, of coming off my thrills and spills that was the Toronto trip, and gearing myself up for a week of school with exams, and Tiffany's wedding next weekend. It all feels rather surreal. Mom's over in the next room complaining about dinner of all things, as if I really could care.
Daylight savings sucks today. I keep feeling off, all because of that hour taken away from my sleep. Geez.
Tomorrow I get to pick up my dress, I hope it fits! I think I just need to make a list of everything I need to do this week, like get my brows done, my nails done, my hair done, pick up my dress, etc. So many little details for this wedding, and plus a week full of school, and then Easter. It's just hard to process it all at times.
My horoscope says that I should be prepared for a dramatic weekend. Usually I'm not so inclined to believe in astrology, but lol I'm wondering if this forcast is right on the money. Well. I guess all I can do is wait and see.

What a weird few days it has been. Saturday started out with the Bernies being super late, Dad telling Tiffany we're taking her to Canada, and us not getting into Toronto until like 6pm. So the whole day was almost wasted, and I was kind of miffed that everyone was late, and all my wonderful plans for the day were ruined. But we did get to do some site seeing, and we went to Chinatown, and Queen St. to window shop and hit all the clubs. Then, Ann almost got us kicked out of the club when one of the bartenders continuously ignored her for like half an hour. Next thing we know, Ann is climbing up on top of the bar screaming in the bartender's face. We hurried up and dragged her off the bar, and took her outside to cool off as she complained to one of the bouncers.
So Sunday came and we went to the top of the CN tower, which was lots of fun. Me and Tiffany got into a massive arguement on the way there, but what else is new? Well, we did our little sovigner shopping, and then, after spending way too much time at the CN tower, made our way back home. The Bernies were super late for work, which I kind of felt bad for, but the fuming side of me that was still mad at Tiffany took no mercy on them being late for work, because 1) they shouldn't have been so late on Saturday and ruined my plans for the day, and 2) they should have had enough sense to realize they should have taken the day off.
So then to fully make the day insane, Ann gives me the revelation that instead of waitressing at the strip club like she was before, she's now working as a stripper. Yeah, so my best friend is a stripper, and I still don't know how I feel about that. I mean, she's my girl and I'll always love her with no if ands or buts, but I worry about her getting caught up in all that mess, and I worry about her. Call me old fashioned, but I couldn't imagine dancing completely naked for men, just to make a few bucks.
And to make everything completely odd, today I found out that Doc Studier died. That man made my life miserable for two years, but I ended up liking him in the end. This was completely unexpected to everyone. So it just made everything today seem very odd.
So that was my last three days... it just seems like I've been sitting ontop of a bubble of change and I'm just twiddling my thumbs waiting for the bubble to burst.

So I'm determined to update this thing more often.... Hmm, lets see. This weekend kind of uneventful, but relaxing none the less. I worked out twice :) (Yea!) but didn't get much studying done. I guess with me only one thing usually gets taken care of over a weekend. But it's hard because I figure why study on a weekend when I'll be working hard all week? Gotta love the 2nd half of the semester blahs.

So on Monday, my once a year good luck struck. I won tickets from CK105 for tickets to go see John Mayer in concert! Of all the dumb luck in the world. I wanted to go to that concert so badly, but had noooo money. Plus, I mean I had already seen him in concert in August and in November. Buying tickets again would be a little obsessive, but hey, I won them. :) It was like I was being rewarded for being a good girl and saving my money. Whatever the reason for my luck, I'm not going to bother questioning it right now.

Lets see, what else? Oh yeah, going to Toronto on Saturday. It's safe to say that here because Tiffany doesn't even know my blog exists, so she won't be reading this. So yeah, Tiffany's bachelorette party in Toronto should be a blast. I am looking so foward to it. The nice thing about going to Toronto is that we are all pretty much guaranteed to find something we want to do, so I'm looking foward to it. Plus, I know it's crazy, but I do love a good road trip. There's just something about the feeling of running away for a few days that makes me feel a little young and alive. I hope even into old age I can find something to feel young and energetic about.

Tiffany's bridal shower was something else. Mom was a total monsterous uh-huh the entire week leading up to it. And lets see, she kept me up until like 3 am decorating, then I know she must have sat up until 5 am watching tv. So then, of course, she wakes me up at 8 am, wondering why I'm so lazy to actually want sleep. Yeah, I saw that bucketload of crazy coming from a mile away. But we got the shower up and running, and mom turned into her happy Martha Stewart side instead of the crazy bitchy Martha she was in the morning. I didn't have lots of fun because I was too busy being a hostess and stepping over kids, and taking pictures, and all that stuff. But I was determined Tiff would have a very nice shower. I just hope one day she returns the favor!

Well thats it. Going to go to bed early so I can get up early and go to the career development center and see about a co-op.

Life is sooo confusing. I really don't have much more to say on the subject. We had two snow days last week from the snowstorm, which was cool and all, but it only helped me to become more of a procrastinator. I honestly don't know how in the world I'm going to pass physics this semester. The rest of my classes I feel confident in, I feel like I can honestly kick butt if and get the grades I need. But physics, ah! I swear I hate the book, I hate the prof, and I dread sitting through it, for all of it's hour and 15 minutes. Talk about a slump.
Then yeah, so boys are stupid. That's all I have to say there.
So I was brave today and actually took the courage in my soul and put it to good use. That, in my opinion was a great way to start February. The problem with January was that it was just a complete, topsy turvy upside down kind of month. It was all about mistakes, poor assumptions, and soaring on expectation only to come to the ground with a very painful thud. It left me a bit cynical, which I am not happy about. I just want to be happy, and have a positive outlook, no matter how things turn out in the end. We'll see, won't we? My prayer for February is that I take care of myself and value my thoughts, feelings and opinions, regardless of what or who it is that keeps trying to pull me back.

Slumps.
They're odd things really. But it seems like they just sneak up on you sometime, but good luck getting yourself out of one!
It's kind of like, you're taking a leisurely walk through the woods, when bam! Out of nowhere, you've fallen into a 10 foot hole some stupid little boys dug to see if they could catch a squirrel.

It all started out innocently enough I guess. Somewhere along the line I went from being tired of school to being completely overwhelmed. So I thought I solved that by dropping a class to make my schedule easier. Well, I solved it I guess, but this doesn't exactly solve the ongoing problem I seem to have of simply not caring how I do in school anymore. Sigh.

And then Tiffany has a genius for roping me into all her problems. Ah I want to be there for my sister, but god knows that I seem to have a problem magnet stuck to my forehead right now.

Boys boys boys. I just need to stay away from all of them. Really! Thats all I need to say about that.

And friends, and their problems. I get drawn into their problems too.

Finally mother. More times than not I am sure she should be on some sort of anti-depressant. But instead I take the grunt for all of her problems, and I'm sick of it. Yesterday we got into a massive yelling match when all I was trying to do was be helpful. I am so tired of this. I am just incredibly ready to get my degree, get a real job, and get a place of my own. I just don't know how much longer I can mentally deal with all the stress she throws my way.

So my only hope is that tomorrow is a better day. That this week gets better, and that this slump I've been in will find the nearest exit and let me get on with things.

Hmm. I haven't done this in awhile. So much went on this summer. I came back a new person, again. Too many of the old quirks still remain though. The panic about being in the so-called real world after graduation, the overanalytical side, the timid side of me. Not that I'm not happy with who I am, I'm struggling with this 20 something idea of what life is supposed to be. Hmm is it really too early to be having a quarterlife crisis? I feel like I've been having one for the past two years, only lol I've still got a few years to go before turning 25. The most frustrating part of life right now is knowing you have so much more to give the world, just not being able to find someone who quite gives a damn yet.
m

So life is funny, right when you think you have left things in the past, and you can finally move on, your own stupid actions come back to haunt you. I'm tired of certain things. I put this silly little transgresssion of mine in the past, paid for it a million times over, repented, and learned from it. So why is it coming back again and again? If I told someone of the story, they'd probably laugh over how childish it is, and I thought that I myself would laugh over it in time. But now it just seems all serious again, and I just feel like someone or something I'm not. Why is life so confusing? Maybe I still have something more to learn from it. I always say God won't give you any more than you can handle in one day, but sometimes I have to wonder about that.

Which Season are you?

Why Do I keep taking those stupid internet quizzes? LOL I guess they're just plain fun.

The best news ever, I've got tickets to the John Mayer Concert! AHHHH!!!!!

Yeah I finally got around to that spring cleaning I've been putting off for two months. Now the fun part is seeing how long I can go before the entire thing is undone.

I finally taped my stupid audition tape. LOL I was just so tired of dealing with the entire thing. I wasn't sure how it would come out, but seeing as I only practiced it about twice, I think it came out darned good.

It was so cold today! Ah!

It's that time of year again when I start having weird dreams. Yesterday I dreamed that Tiffany got married, but i wasn't invited! And I remember yelling and being pissed cause I missed my own sister's wedding, but no one seemed to see what I was so mad about.

Tomorrow I'm meeting this girl who is going to work at Blue Lake at school. Funny how I think meeting new people is a good idea, until I actually have to get around to doing it. Then that shyness demon decides to take over for me. Ah!

Also tomorrow I'm recording a solo, funny how I haven't practiced it a bit. I did some vocal warm-ups today, but that was about it. Hehe, we'll see how it sounds tomorrow, won't we?

First thought for the day: Finals are a bi-otch. Okay glad to get that out!

Second thought for the day: Someone take my check book and credit card away from me. If I get another idea of buying anything else, someone just shoot me. If I buy one more pair of sandals, one more necklace, one more little t-shirt, someone just shoot me.

Third thought for the day. Just because I plan to join an exercise class come the beginning of May, does not mean it's wise to have fast food 4 days out of the week. I had mexican, Taco Bell (not real mexican), Mcdonalds, and Subway, and Schlotzky's all in one week. If I drop dead at the age of 30, I couldn't really blame God for taking me out.

Final thought: People who go the wrong way on a one-way lane in an already tightly parked U of M parking ramp, and expect YOU the person who is going the right way, to either back up or go around them, SHOULD BE SHOT! Hmmph.

Yeah so today, knock on wood, has been a pretty nice day.

I heard from some blue lake peeps today, which i wasn't expecting so it was kind of a nice surprise.

It was past 85 degrees today! Can we say incredible? I got to wear my new terrycloth shorts and flip flops today. I thought i was funny to walk around work, making flopping noises everywhere I went. My boss may not have thought it was so funny, but screw him anyways hehe. I could care less.

I may actually get an A from Genetics. I can't believe it! An A in an upper lever bio course. I can't stop smiling thinking about my gpa. And I ran for treasurer of the bio sci club. Hopefully that will be mine because that would be great to put on the old resume.

O Primavera! was yesterday. It went smoothly enough, but the whole thing felt odd. No long drawn out speeches, no announcer, no nothing. Just dead air as different vocalists made their way to the stage. The whole thing felt odd. Or may I should say lazy and unprepared. Ah well. Not exactly how I wanted to end what could possibly have been my last performance with the University Chorale, but what's a person to do about it? The worst part was while we were performing "John Saw Da Numbah" and Dr. A took us completely from the beginning to the end. Poor Mr. P was flipping through his music hopelessly trying to keep up with us on the piano.

But this is the last week of school, so what am I upset about? Easter is Sunday, and I have to wonder if we'll be spending it at Grandma's. We've basically spent the entire weekend with them, because of Papa's birthday. We went up to Frankenmuth on Saturday, to eat at Zender's, and I have to say Aunt Kathy was in a strange mood. But this is my family so what else is new?

Anyhow, as soon as the stresses of school are over, I plan to finally have that me time I have been waiting for. Which means updating my website! Going to Pilates! Starting Pride and Prejudice! Etc! Hehe.

BLUE You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive. Find out your color at Stvlive.com!

	Love-a-Lot Bear You love to take care of others and people love being around you because you make them feel appreciated. You are very sweet and soft-spoken. You are also a romantic and consider yourself an excellent matchmaker, so you tend to be a bit nosy. But everyone still considers you the sweetest person they know.
Take the Which Care Bear Are You? Quiz!

Ah these past few weeks have really been flying by. Hopefully it will continue that way.

Today is just one of those days where I'd rather be playing on the computer or watching tv instead of doing my actual homework. Huh and I thought once you got to college it would be the end of homework. Where in the world did I get that idea from anyways?

Saturday's Daddy's 52nd birthday. LOL someone help me to remember to buy him something this year!

This whole war stuff has me so confused. I don't trust Bushy, but yet I sure as heck don't believe that Sadam is an innocent party either. Ah why does life have to be so complicated? On one hand I understand the whole stance of the Germans and the French, being anti war, but then again, how can our country not help but feel totally betrayed by our so called Allies? It's so confusing. Hopefully for all the men and women out there in the armed forces there will be a quick end to all of this.

What a change from a couple of weeks ago! It's actually 60 degrees outside! And heck it may not last for any longer than a week, but it's still awesome! The first time this year I was able to open up my bedroom window. I have homework to do, although last week I was a good girl and actually did my work. I still have some catching up on, but it's so hard to want to sit down and do any work on a day like today. How often in the middle of March do you get to open up your windows and enjoy the warm air coming in? Hopefully it won't get freakishly cold in April. This all after months of bitterly cold, below normal temperatures! :)

Spring Break has come and gone! Ahh! I mean geez do we really have to have spring break in February?

Today the University actually canceled classes on account of the snow! Yes! A day to make up work, only I never seem to have enough time. I think I'll get off work early to get some work done here.

I'm mad over my computer project right now. Not only is it already late, but when finishing it up I did something wrong and as a result lost work that I've done a month ago. ERRRRRRRR!!!!!

Went to see Tiff's new apartment on Monday. It was nice and I could tell Tiffany was really excited over it, but it seemed like it took us forever to get there.

Got choir rehersal Friday, Saturday, and a performance on Sunday? Who schedules required performances on Sunday for goodness sakes? I mean it's not like we're a church choir! So my entire weekend is taken up. That sucks.

Valentine's Day is tomorrow. I'm not bothered that I don't have a valentine, cause lets face it, the last time I had a valentine was probably like back in the fifth grade! Ah well, Daddy never forgets to buy me candy, so who cares that I don't have a boyfriend? I think they're completely overrrated anyhow.

I got an A on my genetics exam, yeah! I'm so incredibly proud of that.

I've been bored lately so I've been downloading music. Kazaa is awesome!

I got hired to work at Blue Lake again next summer. Hmm funny how after the summer was over last year, I was thinking how I would love to work there again. Then, by the time November hit, I was thinking, no way! But by the time February rolled around, I was like, oh what the heck? Why not.

Well summer is a long way off but somehow it seems like it will be here before I know it.

One more week of school left until Spring Break, Thank God!