Thursday, September 12, 2002

Blogging today, why? I'm just bored. I've given up keeping a paper journal, so thankfully i have this. Nothing much is going on here, that's for sure. Mom's up to another project again. She's adding textured plaster to one of her bedroom walls and planning to paint it a new color. I wonder what she'll do when she's redone every room in the entire house? She'll probably give up and decide it's time to buy a new house, that way she can start all over again.
I got hit on tuesday at school, by a freshman no doubt. Funny how i could never get a guy to pay any mind to me in high school but now i get hit on on a daily basis. And i don't know, am i too picky? Or am i right when i think that every guy i meet is a jerk who is only interested in one thing from me, and therefore not worth my time or energy. LOL Wasn't it Andrea who said being a lesbian isn't a bad idea except for the fact that you would have to be attracted to other girls, and since that isn't happening, it would be awful? I swear it's scary when i begin to not only understand Andrea, but agree with her.
I think all the weight I've lost this summer has been gained right back. But this isn't my fault. Not entirely. I mean, what am I supposed to do, say no, to my mother, when she takes me to Red Lobster for lunch twice in one week? And I mean really, how else am I going to get myself to study if I don't reward myself with an Ice Cream Sandwhich, or a bag of M&M's? Funny how when I was eating tasteless, disgusting food all summer, the only thing I wanted was healthy stuff like fresh fruit and grilled chicken. But now that I'm home and can have that stuff instead I'm eating Taco Bell and McDonalds nonstop.
I get to start work on Tuesday, finally my finacial aid at school is all straightened out. And I really love work too, it's very satisfying to have your own paycheck that you know you've worked hard for. Which reminds me about working hard, I need to go hit the books. I have done my assigned reading for English, but as far as physics and biology goes, no such luck. And a good tool of motivation for staying on top of my reading is that I'm completely understanding everything my profs in both my science classes are lecturing about, so if I stay on top of my reading like a good girl :) I should do fine. Yeah, MCATS, and med school, here I come. :p

Sunday, September 08, 2002

School's started, and my whole life yet again is changing right in front of me. Tiffany had one of her little temper tantrums and announced to mom that at that very moment, she was going to move out. I'm sorry, Tiffany just drove me crazy at that very moment. She is just so impulsive and thoughtless sometimes. I haven't heard from her since Wednesday, this is the longest I've ever went without hearing from my own sister.
But this entire year, or even two years has been nothing but change for me. Change is a bustard, to be nice and censored there. Growing up is a good thing in some respects, but majorly sucks in every other way, it seems sometimes. Reminds me of that Alanis Morrisette song, Flinch. "Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at you're name."
As far as school goes, so far so good. My classes still put terror and dread into my mind, but as of now I am staying onto of my studying and homework, but that's not saying much yet as I've only had one day of school. But then again, I'm further ahead than I was this time last year.
I've been pretty moody the past few weeks, it's really given me this cynical outlook on life. I'm trying to get over that, cause quite frankly, it's frustrating to be negative and sulky. It takes alot of energy out of me as well.
I talked to Amy finally for the first time this summer the day before yesterday. She always puts a smile on my face, talking to her is almost theraputic. She knew all my "Tiffany" problems, so when I told her about the latest nonsense, she wasn't very surprised. That's a good tip for life in general, getting someone else's two cents is usually more helpful than anything.
Now we're approaching the anniversary of September 11th. I try to remember what life for all of us was like before this, but it's hard to remember anymore. I just remember having the childish mentality that America is number 1. The strongest, the best. Nothing bad will ever happen to us. Well, I seemed to forget one key thing there. When you're on top, you've got everyone underneath you trying to knock you down.
I used to side with some of my Canadian friends, that the U.S. was too brash in our belief of being the best. But surprisingly, I've found that my opinion on that has changed. If you don't believe that you are the best, that you can accomplish anything, isn't that a sad thing? I'm damn proud to be an American, and this past year has only brought this opinion on more than ever. The best thing that I've learned, is that, love is what makes this world go round. Holding onto my faith in these hard times has been so extremely tough, but I've done it. And if I can do that, I think I can do almost anything.