What a holiday! Thanksgiving, which I was completely dreading, actually turned out to be very chill and relaxing. Now I can only have the same hope for Christmas. It's weird, because no one around here really seems to be in the Christmas mood. We haven't even discussed putting up the Christmas tree, which is odd. But lord knows I'm way too busy with school to be worried about that right now. I think once I get through my finals, (2 weeks!) I'll be able to think more about the holidays.

I spent the 4 day weekend re-writing chem notes in an attempt to get some of the information into my head. I don't know how well I succeeded though. The reactions still just seem exactly alike, but at least I do understand the basic chemistry behind polymers. I figured, if I do about the same as I did on my last test, and do good on the final (I oddly seem to do very good on finals) I should hit that C+/B- range with no problem. Ah but it is killing me, the anticipation of it all.

Besides cleaing and re-writing chem notes, I had an Anne of Green Gables Marathon. I see find something new in those films every time I watch them, and seeing as I've watched them like 50 million times, that's saying alot. I also find tons of new things everytime I read the book, but the last thing I need to do is crack open that book. With all the chem studying I need to do, that's the last thing on my mind!

I'm trying to mentally schedule everything in my head. This week is devoted to Choir and Chemistry, lol the two Cs. We have our Sounds of Seasons Concerts Friday and Saturday. So I'm trying to figure out time to study the music, and figure in chem study time as well. Then, come Friday afternoon, I'm devoted to everything Bio. I'm going to be working on my bio illustrations drawings, my bio stats exam, and finishing (starting?) my term paper for evolution. Ahh. I just have to remember, that in two weeks time, my hell will be (temporarily) over. Then it's just one more semester. One more semester! Eeek!

Thanksgiving break is approaching, Thank God.

I'm at the point right now that I am so busy I can only sit and stare at all of it in amazement. I'm beyond the point of panic, I'm now in a comfortable sense of denial. Of course, I can ace organic chem. Of course I'll get my drawings done for bio 300. Of course I'll get Wiggy's paper done on time. Ha!

Going to chat a little bit, then read a bit in my chem book, then go to bed. I'm not stressing yet.

You are 73% Aquarius

http://www.quizdiva.net/bt/aquarius.gif">

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

Ah I've been so upset over the election, I haven't really felt like talking to many people. All I can say is, thank God I live in one of the blue states!


So I have a job interview tomorrow, and I'm not sure what to think. I'm not even sure I want to job, but I could really use the money. Maybe I should just skip out on the interview? Ha. I wish it were that easy. I'm just afraid of working a real job. There, thats it, I said it. A real job.

Maybe I should drive to the coast before it gets super cold. It would be nice to just sit on the beach and get my head cleared. That, would be fantastic. I feel like I'm about to start a marathon. I've got an exam tomorrow, a quiz, and a job interview. I have homework due on Tuesday, and who knows what the rest of the week will bring. I've got to start my paper for BIO 453, and I need to register on Friday, and get started on my project for Bio 300. Oh yeah, and I've got to find the time to study chem, study biostats, start my reaction book, and a Choir concert Thursday. Oh yes, and another choir performance this month, with two dress rehersals, and two concerts the first week of December. Throw in a possible new job, and the holidays, and you've got one girl going completely insane. I'm trying to practice time management so that I won't feel so overwhelmed, but telling me to follow a set schedule is like telling Teddy to become a vegetarian. Life will go on, and I will get through, but God knows I simply cannot wait for Christmas break!

So today was and is today. Sleepy! I didn't go to class today, I just needed a day off. I had my Organic exam yesterday. I studied my butt off for that exam, and I pretty much got no sleep because I was so stressed over it. I hope I did okay, but I guess we'll see, won't we?
It was weird, last night I was sitting at the computer, thinking that it would be nice to talk to someone, when suddenly at once 3 people sent me instant messages. It cheered me up, especially to chat with Vickie. We talked about all things random and it was great. I talked to Pumpkin and Huong and it was just nice to hear from people I miss.
Today, instead of going to class I went to the computer lab and emailed about that lab job opening, and I felt so proud of myself for going after it. But wouldn't you know it, my email came back as undeliverable. So I guess tomorrow I'll be faxing my application or calling someone if I have the time. I did go to Aero and finally return those jeans that I mistakenly bought too long. And, the fun part was I went to Michael's and got lots and lots of scrapbook stuff to make Tiffany's wedding scrapbook album. Who knew putting a scrapbook together would end up costing like $40? But I wanted to make this the best wedding present she recieved from anyone, so the time, effort, and money are well worth it. I'll have to remember that the next time I'm ready to throttle her!
Tomorrow is supposed to be a rather easy day for me. I've really only got one class to go to, but I'll be hanging around until noon, so that I can go to the premed club meeting and pick up my choir robe. Then I'm out of there! YEA! I can't wait for Halloween, I plan to rent Harry Potter and light candles and have a spooky night of it.

I'm having a better today than yesterday. I'm going to go to bed here soon, but I just felt like clearing my head before I go to bed.

It wasn't a bad day and I actually got a bit accomplished, although it feels like I didn't do much of anything. I cleaned up my bedroom that horribly needed it, and I went out to Stepping Stone Falls with Daddy and got some pictures of mallards and Canadian Geese and Seagulls. (I can hear Dr. Szuch yelling right now that there's no such thing as a "seagull"!!!!)

It was a pretty chill day. I know I should have been studying Organic chem, but I just needed a mental break. Besides, I figure studying tomorrow and Tuesday will more than suffice, because that will be about 2 more days of study time then I put in for the last exam.

Other than that, not much to say. I was too lazy to go out to the car and get my John Mayer cds (all 5 of them!) , so I just listened to some of the Beatles MP3 I have on the hard drive. It was a much needed mental chill day. Thank God for them, because they are much needed!

So it looks like it's official. I turned in my senior audit on Tuesday, so God willing, I'll be graduating in May after 5 years of college. I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do with this degree, and I keep waving back and forth trying to figure out if med school is what's right for me. I'm not even sure my grades are good enough. I have above a 3.0, but still. I'm just tired of thinking about it all. I keep wondering if I should go to the Career Development Center and see if they can find me an internship somewhere, maybe in a micro lab or in forensics. I wouldn't mind saying I was a forensic scientist for a living.

I'm just finding life so weird and strange after Belle died. I mean, I know she was a dog, and life goes on, but does it go on the same way after you lose something or someone you loved so dearly? It's given me this unhealthy fixation on my mortality. I'm not suicidal or something horrible like that, but I keep being fixated on the fact that, life is extremely short, and I'm going to die one day. Morbid thoughts I know, but I can't keep them out of my head. I keep thinking, what's the point? I'm going to be dead one day. I keep thinking it's like when you're a kid and it seems like summer vacation is a million years away. Well, summer gets there, before you even know it. I keep thinking that's how death will be, something you don't really think will happen to you, something you think is a million years down the road, and then suddenly, you've reached the last day of your life whether or not you realize it or not.

In honesty, I guess this is a result of not having adequate time to grieve, and this sudden questioning of God that keeps running through my head. The thing is, I never used to question the existence of God, or my beliefs in him. Now suddenly, I keep thinking, hmm maybe there is something to this evolution thing, and if there is a God who's to say I'm right? Is there only one way to believe in God, and everyone else is doomed to hell? And for some reason, the idea of a "heaven" where everyone lives for all eternity, where there is no beginning and no end, freaks me out. What do you mean no end? What do you mean forever and ever and ever? Somehow, to me, that's scarier than the thought of death. At least with death it's done.

I still believe in God, I guess I'm just questioning how I believe in Him. This is just a very odd, weird time in my life.

I'm feeling kind of weird today. I'm in that hump, of coming off my thrills and spills that was the Toronto trip, and gearing myself up for a week of school with exams, and Tiffany's wedding next weekend. It all feels rather surreal. Mom's over in the next room complaining about dinner of all things, as if I really could care.
Daylight savings sucks today. I keep feeling off, all because of that hour taken away from my sleep. Geez.
Tomorrow I get to pick up my dress, I hope it fits! I think I just need to make a list of everything I need to do this week, like get my brows done, my nails done, my hair done, pick up my dress, etc. So many little details for this wedding, and plus a week full of school, and then Easter. It's just hard to process it all at times.
My horoscope says that I should be prepared for a dramatic weekend. Usually I'm not so inclined to believe in astrology, but lol I'm wondering if this forcast is right on the money. Well. I guess all I can do is wait and see.

What a weird few days it has been. Saturday started out with the Bernies being super late, Dad telling Tiffany we're taking her to Canada, and us not getting into Toronto until like 6pm. So the whole day was almost wasted, and I was kind of miffed that everyone was late, and all my wonderful plans for the day were ruined. But we did get to do some site seeing, and we went to Chinatown, and Queen St. to window shop and hit all the clubs. Then, Ann almost got us kicked out of the club when one of the bartenders continuously ignored her for like half an hour. Next thing we know, Ann is climbing up on top of the bar screaming in the bartender's face. We hurried up and dragged her off the bar, and took her outside to cool off as she complained to one of the bouncers.
So Sunday came and we went to the top of the CN tower, which was lots of fun. Me and Tiffany got into a massive arguement on the way there, but what else is new? Well, we did our little sovigner shopping, and then, after spending way too much time at the CN tower, made our way back home. The Bernies were super late for work, which I kind of felt bad for, but the fuming side of me that was still mad at Tiffany took no mercy on them being late for work, because 1) they shouldn't have been so late on Saturday and ruined my plans for the day, and 2) they should have had enough sense to realize they should have taken the day off.
So then to fully make the day insane, Ann gives me the revelation that instead of waitressing at the strip club like she was before, she's now working as a stripper. Yeah, so my best friend is a stripper, and I still don't know how I feel about that. I mean, she's my girl and I'll always love her with no if ands or buts, but I worry about her getting caught up in all that mess, and I worry about her. Call me old fashioned, but I couldn't imagine dancing completely naked for men, just to make a few bucks.
And to make everything completely odd, today I found out that Doc Studier died. That man made my life miserable for two years, but I ended up liking him in the end. This was completely unexpected to everyone. So it just made everything today seem very odd.
So that was my last three days... it just seems like I've been sitting ontop of a bubble of change and I'm just twiddling my thumbs waiting for the bubble to burst.

So I'm determined to update this thing more often.... Hmm, lets see. This weekend kind of uneventful, but relaxing none the less. I worked out twice :) (Yea!) but didn't get much studying done. I guess with me only one thing usually gets taken care of over a weekend. But it's hard because I figure why study on a weekend when I'll be working hard all week? Gotta love the 2nd half of the semester blahs.

So on Monday, my once a year good luck struck. I won tickets from CK105 for tickets to go see John Mayer in concert! Of all the dumb luck in the world. I wanted to go to that concert so badly, but had noooo money. Plus, I mean I had already seen him in concert in August and in November. Buying tickets again would be a little obsessive, but hey, I won them. :) It was like I was being rewarded for being a good girl and saving my money. Whatever the reason for my luck, I'm not going to bother questioning it right now.

Lets see, what else? Oh yeah, going to Toronto on Saturday. It's safe to say that here because Tiffany doesn't even know my blog exists, so she won't be reading this. So yeah, Tiffany's bachelorette party in Toronto should be a blast. I am looking so foward to it. The nice thing about going to Toronto is that we are all pretty much guaranteed to find something we want to do, so I'm looking foward to it. Plus, I know it's crazy, but I do love a good road trip. There's just something about the feeling of running away for a few days that makes me feel a little young and alive. I hope even into old age I can find something to feel young and energetic about.

Tiffany's bridal shower was something else. Mom was a total monsterous uh-huh the entire week leading up to it. And lets see, she kept me up until like 3 am decorating, then I know she must have sat up until 5 am watching tv. So then, of course, she wakes me up at 8 am, wondering why I'm so lazy to actually want sleep. Yeah, I saw that bucketload of crazy coming from a mile away. But we got the shower up and running, and mom turned into her happy Martha Stewart side instead of the crazy bitchy Martha she was in the morning. I didn't have lots of fun because I was too busy being a hostess and stepping over kids, and taking pictures, and all that stuff. But I was determined Tiff would have a very nice shower. I just hope one day she returns the favor!

Well thats it. Going to go to bed early so I can get up early and go to the career development center and see about a co-op.

Life is sooo confusing. I really don't have much more to say on the subject. We had two snow days last week from the snowstorm, which was cool and all, but it only helped me to become more of a procrastinator. I honestly don't know how in the world I'm going to pass physics this semester. The rest of my classes I feel confident in, I feel like I can honestly kick butt if and get the grades I need. But physics, ah! I swear I hate the book, I hate the prof, and I dread sitting through it, for all of it's hour and 15 minutes. Talk about a slump.
Then yeah, so boys are stupid. That's all I have to say there.
So I was brave today and actually took the courage in my soul and put it to good use. That, in my opinion was a great way to start February. The problem with January was that it was just a complete, topsy turvy upside down kind of month. It was all about mistakes, poor assumptions, and soaring on expectation only to come to the ground with a very painful thud. It left me a bit cynical, which I am not happy about. I just want to be happy, and have a positive outlook, no matter how things turn out in the end. We'll see, won't we? My prayer for February is that I take care of myself and value my thoughts, feelings and opinions, regardless of what or who it is that keeps trying to pull me back.