Saturday, December 28, 2002

So Christmas is over already, it went by so fast! I enjoyed myself, but for some odd reason it just didn't feel like Christmas. Somehow I think it was like that for a lot of people around me. I'm enjoying my break from school, finally to be able to sleep and rest and not worry over an exam or work or time is wonderful.

I'm not sure how I'll spend New Year's Eve, I really just want to relax at home. I did the party thing last year, and had fun and all, but somehow actually missed being in my pajamas, counting down the new year with Dick Clark and the gang. Ah but who knows.

It will be mom's 41st birthday, and then in three weeks my 21st birthday. Not to be a drag, but I think I'll avoid the whole get completely wasted for your 21st birthday routine. Sounded like fun a few months ago, but now I'm just thinking that it would be completely pointless.

This year, I'm staying away from the cheesy resolutions that can't be kept. I'm making one promise to myself, and that is to destress my life. I'm thinking yoga, and other exercises are the way to do that, along with just studying more so I feel better prepared, and getting more sleep. So hopefully this is one promise I can actually keep for myself.

Tiffany called earlier and told us that while at work she got second degree burns all up her arm and on her hand! Ouch! I think with her complexion, she'll have scarring, but I didn't say anything to her. Hopefully that won't happen. She had stars imbedded on her watch band, which left star shaped burns all around her wrists! She had to go to the hospitial and get a bunch of shots and cream to put on her burns. Hopefully, she'll be fine.

Friday, December 13, 2002

So it's midnight, and I have an exam in exactly 12 hours, and have I began studying? NOOOOO. I was a little upset when I found out that while you only had to have a 65% to get a C, an 80% was still required for a B. What kind of smack curve is that? So between this exam and the final I could only miss a total of 5 points to get my B. Now even the highest score on one of Doc's exams only turns out to be around 95%. Which means anyway I go I'm screwed over. In a way that's not such a bad thing, because if I thought I had a chance at a B, I'd be od-ing on caffeine about now, freaking out. But since I could fail this exam and the next one and still end up with a C, who cares?

I worked on my computer project (designing a web page) this entire week, but when I went to turn it in today, I decided it was all crap, so I took an hour to completely re-do the entire thing. And I must say, it was totally worth it. It's so much better now.

Tiffany and Fat Bastard came to visit a couple of days ago. She came upstairs (I'm sure with the true intent on bugging me) and of course she tried to lead me blindly into an argument. That girl I swear.

Okay, am I the only one who thinks if Clay wins Survivor that's such a scamming rip off?

Speaking of scams, my job is getting on my last nerve. I was hired to do work in the office, not be everyone's damn goffer. I was trying to do my real job (showing a proffesor how to work excel, and figuring out his classes' final grades, but of course every five minutes I got interupted by some moron expecting me to do dumb things like, "walk across downtown and deliver this package for me!" Yeah, let's see, go through downtown at dusk, risking my life for a package, or, stay here warm and safe. Which do you think I picked?

Friday, December 06, 2002

So which letter of the alphabet matches YOUR personality, huh?

So thanksgiving is over. There went my beautiful whole two days off of school! But I've only got another week of classes, I must remind myself of this.
The weekend after Thanksgiving we actually got a decent amount of snow, and now it's been so cold here that if the high for the day was the freezing point, I'd think it was June!
I've got so much work to do this last week of school it's insane. I've got a 5 page paper due on comparing the writing styles of Alice Walker vs Tim O'Brien (there's a huge difference for you), I've got to write a short piece of fiction, I've got to design a webpage, I've got physics problems to work out, and I have my Cell Bio exam on Friday, the 13th to be exact.
It's all pure craziness.
I watched Reluctant Angel on the CBC today. I'm still a huge fan of Megan Follows. Surprisingly, I really like a lot of the Canadian Films I've seen. They can get away with so much more and do it in a much more thoughtful manner than a lot of the American blockbusters.
I bet it would be really fun to become a filmmaker. I've always wanted to wrap my mind around all of the process, from giving the actors direction to finding a unique camera angle to film with. Hmm.
Anyhoo, just sitting around downloading Christmas tunes. LOL Just goes to show how bored I can get around here. But what am I supposed to do with inches of snow on the ground and freezing temperatures?

Sunday, November 24, 2002

White Thanksgiving?

It's snowing, snowing, snowing. Probably will mostly melt away by morning, but it's supposed to keep snowing this week. Just made me think of a white Thanksgiving. Me and dad were out driving when it started snowing, and he said this is more like an old fashioned winter, the kind they had when he was a kid.
My stress level is finally down. Exams and homework ack. No more exams until finals, that is except for an English exam, but those don't stress me out because I love to read so I always know the novel like the back of my hand by the time it comes to taking the exam. No stress there.
I'm finally starting to get in the mood for the holidays, I was so stressed out, Thanksgiving and Christmas were the last things I wanted to deal with. But I'm feeling more like myself now.
Since it looks so cold outside, I decided to bake chocolate chip cookies :) Reminds me of all the awesome stuff I'll get to eat at Thanksgiving.
Even as good as the food is on Thanksgiving, the day after is even better. It's so awesome to sit and eat a plate full of leftovers, putting up the tree (artifical but no one can tell it's fake), digging through the box of ornaments, and listening to Christmas music. I can hardly wait!

Sunday, November 17, 2002

Old habits die hard. Something to remember in life.

I decided to give my homepage a new kick, so I've updated it slightly. I've deleted some stuff and put up a new background, and I plan to add little quotes and guilty pleasures, and person of the week, etc. Should be fun, now only if I can get someone to take a peek at it.

I had intentions to do homework and get lots of things done this weekend, but so far all I've done was throw my dirty sneakers in the wash, and read a book for English. Hence the old habits die hard part.

I keep telling myself only three weeks of classes left, before finals, hoping to inspire a final stretch type of energy, but as of yet, no luck. Well, if I want to pass Cell this time around, I'd better get some of this energy going, and fast. I can't wait to get out of school! Geez.

Sunday, November 10, 2002

Today has left me exhausted! Bernadine threw a party for lil J's birthday, and Bernadette and I rode together down to party, which was a half hour drive away. It was at a chuckie cheese type place, so there wasn't much for us to do. Bernadette and I used the occasion to go shopping (of course). Which I must add I got a killer pair of jeans on sale for $15.
The drive there was interesting. Bernadette and I talked through all of our sisters' boy troubles, and I must say I was for once able to get a laugh out of everything. Nice how best friends can just pick up right where they left off. And it's really nice to have someone who has the same style in clothes as I do. I know I sound materialistic right now, but hey, sometimes shopping is what a girl needs to forget her problems.
The drive back was insane! It was thunderstorming the whole way back home, and at one point it was raining so hard, Bernadette was gripping the steering wheel, muttering "Geez-us!" LOL her way of not exclaiming "Jesus."
Last night I watched Anne of Green Gables, and cried my eyes out, like I haven't watched the movie a million and one times already! After Friday's exam, I certainly needed something to get sappy over.
Now I'm thinking hot cocoa and my warm bed would be perfect :) Sounds like a plan.

Friday, November 01, 2002

Completely bombed my Physics Exam today. That's my bad news.

Yesterday I was in such a perfect mood. It was thirty something degrees, and raining, and a Halloween on which I had to work all day long, but I was in a good mood. I just kept thinking what a beautiful day it was. I like those days, I just feel like they should come more often, then the totally stressed out got to go to work and finish my homework and study for my exam and do a million other things type of days.

I'm listening to 90's pop right now, wondering when my favorite Mariah tunes are going to come on. I know, I'm crazy. I know this by now!

Tomorrow, to make my life even more like that Cathy cartoon, I'm planning on laying around in my pajamas, and watching movies and eating junk food. Sounds like a good plan to me!

Now, time for sleep. :) I actually get to sleep in tomorrow! Jeah.

Saturday, October 26, 2002

Just a few beefs. Yesterday I took a quiz in physics, and I think I would have done well, would being the important word there. We were allowed to have notecards with formulas on them, but right before the quiz I misplaced my notecard, and had to take the quiz without it! ERR.

Other than that everything is peachy. Watched Trading Spaces, got a good nap, went cruising in my car, and had a nice and quiet Saturday.

Tuesday, October 22, 2002

Need to get some thoughts out of my head.
Number one thought: Would it kill the University to give us like one day off a month? I mean one rest and relaxation day a month would give me something to look forward to.
Number two thought: Am I the only one annoyed by the girl in my English class who talks nonstop? I mean, I know I can drag out stories, but this chick, geez! She talks non-stop, and of course it's always the people like her who have absolutely nothing of any merit to say. And of course it just so happens that the person who likes to talk the most has the most annoying voice. Err.
Number three thought: If you get an A on an exam, the professor seems to suddenly remember your name, and thinks every comment you make in class is valuable. Yeah, wait til he figures out that A I got was some freak accident because of some weird star alignment.
Number four thought: Was I the only one who lost that "Blue Lake was great" mentality for the "Blue Lake really screwed me up" mentality? And just as I was getting over this, I get a letter in the mail asking me to work there next summer?
Number five thought: Why is it every time I go to the doctor with an ailment, by the time I actually see the doctor my ailment is gone and he looks at me like I'm some hypochondriac? And why is it my mother can always come up with five million things that are wrong with her at random for the doctor to check her for, when it's my doctor's appointment?

That's the end of my thoughts for the night.

Monday, October 07, 2002

Okay going to blog quick before I go to bed, I just had to get some thoughts out of my head. Today was Kareokee day at school (In the U Cen), so for hours (it was supposed to last from 11 to 1 but just kept going and going like that stupid energizer bunny) I would hear tone deaf people belt out random tunes that weren't even good songs when they came out, much less now, ten years later. Ahh, If I'd had a gun I can't say I wouldn't have been even slightly tempted! I was trying to read a chapter in my physics book, but as a result of the noise I only read a few sections. Err. Like I don't already have enough crap to do already.
Which leads me to my next thought, Cell Biology. If I have to think up one more difference between mitochondria and chloroplasts, or draw and name one more alpha D N-Acetyl 2 Amino Glucopyranose, I will be likely to end up in an institution for the mentally insane.
Oh yes here's one more pet peeve for the day. I'll be sitting at the computer, trying to do homework, or for that matter, checking my email. But the real point to this is that I have my headphones on, listening to my latest mix cd at full volume, when my mom insists on having a discussion with me. Now, I'm getting annoyed because she doesn't seem to notice me having to turn the volume down every other second and saying "huh?" And also annoyed because of all the studying I do all the time, and work, and classes, that sometimes I just want to forget the rest of the world and listen to my music, but instead I have to hear some pointless conversation about the way people were driving today. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Sunday, September 29, 2002

Dreary has been the best way to discribe both the day, and my mood. I'm not exactly in a good place today. My anxieties are really my worst enemies, and they've come at me full force today. I just am feeling a bit of those old insecurites as of late, and now I'm questioning myself constantly. It's really no wonder with everything that has been going on around here. I mean, geez. My sister sure did have to go mess things up didn't she? She's not even living here anymore but yet she continues to turn life for everyone in this house upside down.
I'm looking forward to the upcoming season actually. About this time of year mom tends to get into her bleak, depressive state of mind about her family and the upcoming holidays. If anyone in the family does something slight to offend or annoy her (and heck some of it on her part is just an assumed action on their part to annoy her, I'm sure half the time no one even realizes they've done anything to piss her off) she goes off on her whole "I hate my family, we're not spending any of the holidays with them, we're all going to spend the holidays here!" Yeah that translates into, "I'm mad because of my disfunctional childhood, and I want to pout, so I say all of this angrily now, but when the holidays come I'll be kissing everyone's behind as usual." I know that's harsh to say, but god knows it's the truth. And plus that, after hearing it for the last 15 years (seeing as I can't remember much before I was five) you have to see the dry humor in it.
So the holidays will go on as usual. My aunts will get drunk and turn into the fire breathing dragons they usually are (okay to be fair, I'm thinking of one aunt really, not both of my aunts), my grandparents will be completely oblivious to this, and luckily for my sake make the holidays as sugar sweet as they do every year for us kids. My mom will probably do some of the aforementioned butt kissing, then start drinking with the rest of her siblings, making my dad drive home, as she declares it's a Wonderful Christmas. We'll get home, she'll start the usual christmas fire, with her homemade hot cocoa, and some music and a Christmas movie playing. Then, depending on how much she drank, she'll either wake up so nice it's scary, or she'll become like the aforementioned fire breathing dragon that is my aunt. Hmm scary, but I actually love Christmas time. What kind of a freak am I? Instead of being like my mom who is angry at the world, or like my grandparents who are oblivious, I see it all, but accept it for what it is, and have a good time in spite of it all.
So the real question is why the heck am I thinking about all of this now? I suppose I really will do anything to put off studying for physics.

Thursday, September 12, 2002

Blogging today, why? I'm just bored. I've given up keeping a paper journal, so thankfully i have this. Nothing much is going on here, that's for sure. Mom's up to another project again. She's adding textured plaster to one of her bedroom walls and planning to paint it a new color. I wonder what she'll do when she's redone every room in the entire house? She'll probably give up and decide it's time to buy a new house, that way she can start all over again.
I got hit on tuesday at school, by a freshman no doubt. Funny how i could never get a guy to pay any mind to me in high school but now i get hit on on a daily basis. And i don't know, am i too picky? Or am i right when i think that every guy i meet is a jerk who is only interested in one thing from me, and therefore not worth my time or energy. LOL Wasn't it Andrea who said being a lesbian isn't a bad idea except for the fact that you would have to be attracted to other girls, and since that isn't happening, it would be awful? I swear it's scary when i begin to not only understand Andrea, but agree with her.
I think all the weight I've lost this summer has been gained right back. But this isn't my fault. Not entirely. I mean, what am I supposed to do, say no, to my mother, when she takes me to Red Lobster for lunch twice in one week? And I mean really, how else am I going to get myself to study if I don't reward myself with an Ice Cream Sandwhich, or a bag of M&M's? Funny how when I was eating tasteless, disgusting food all summer, the only thing I wanted was healthy stuff like fresh fruit and grilled chicken. But now that I'm home and can have that stuff instead I'm eating Taco Bell and McDonalds nonstop.
I get to start work on Tuesday, finally my finacial aid at school is all straightened out. And I really love work too, it's very satisfying to have your own paycheck that you know you've worked hard for. Which reminds me about working hard, I need to go hit the books. I have done my assigned reading for English, but as far as physics and biology goes, no such luck. And a good tool of motivation for staying on top of my reading is that I'm completely understanding everything my profs in both my science classes are lecturing about, so if I stay on top of my reading like a good girl :) I should do fine. Yeah, MCATS, and med school, here I come. :p

Sunday, September 08, 2002

School's started, and my whole life yet again is changing right in front of me. Tiffany had one of her little temper tantrums and announced to mom that at that very moment, she was going to move out. I'm sorry, Tiffany just drove me crazy at that very moment. She is just so impulsive and thoughtless sometimes. I haven't heard from her since Wednesday, this is the longest I've ever went without hearing from my own sister.
But this entire year, or even two years has been nothing but change for me. Change is a bustard, to be nice and censored there. Growing up is a good thing in some respects, but majorly sucks in every other way, it seems sometimes. Reminds me of that Alanis Morrisette song, Flinch. "Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at you're name."
As far as school goes, so far so good. My classes still put terror and dread into my mind, but as of now I am staying onto of my studying and homework, but that's not saying much yet as I've only had one day of school. But then again, I'm further ahead than I was this time last year.
I've been pretty moody the past few weeks, it's really given me this cynical outlook on life. I'm trying to get over that, cause quite frankly, it's frustrating to be negative and sulky. It takes alot of energy out of me as well.
I talked to Amy finally for the first time this summer the day before yesterday. She always puts a smile on my face, talking to her is almost theraputic. She knew all my "Tiffany" problems, so when I told her about the latest nonsense, she wasn't very surprised. That's a good tip for life in general, getting someone else's two cents is usually more helpful than anything.
Now we're approaching the anniversary of September 11th. I try to remember what life for all of us was like before this, but it's hard to remember anymore. I just remember having the childish mentality that America is number 1. The strongest, the best. Nothing bad will ever happen to us. Well, I seemed to forget one key thing there. When you're on top, you've got everyone underneath you trying to knock you down.
I used to side with some of my Canadian friends, that the U.S. was too brash in our belief of being the best. But surprisingly, I've found that my opinion on that has changed. If you don't believe that you are the best, that you can accomplish anything, isn't that a sad thing? I'm damn proud to be an American, and this past year has only brought this opinion on more than ever. The best thing that I've learned, is that, love is what makes this world go round. Holding onto my faith in these hard times has been so extremely tough, but I've done it. And if I can do that, I think I can do almost anything.

Monday, September 02, 2002

Labor day weekend. Huh, funny, I wonder what I was doing this time last year on Labor day. Freaking out about school is a good guess, but I honestly don't remember how I spent my Labor Day last year. And to think September 11th was only like a week away, and we all went on so unaware of what lied ahead of us....
That was my deep thought for the day. Here me and my mom were, sitting there in the drive through at McDonalds, and all I could think about as the sun set was, is this a horrible world we live in, or are we just among horrible people? Or, are they one in the same? And if I've already seen these type of horrors in my twenty years, what the heck does the rest of life have to offer? God bless us all, truly.
But to get off of the depressing side, I did have an enjoyable, if sluggish holiday weekend. On Saturday, I went to the park and played tennis with Andrea and Michelle. It was the first chance I got to get out on the court since I left in June. Ah what a great feeling to be able to run up to the net, and just slam some tennis balls as hard as I could. Talk about a stress reliever.
Sunday, Daddy grilled us up some awesome steaks, with corn on the cob and baked potatoes. Yum! That steak was way better than the last steak I had at Damon's. We all enjoyed the steaks, Belle more than the rest of us, but she's a dog so what can you expect? Yeah speaking of that dog, my mother is losing her mind. I know Belle is part of the family, and I openly admit to having conversations with the dog, as well as grabbing her and kissing her whenever I feel the need, but mom takes it to the extreme. Ever since I left for the summer, Belle was the only little critter she had to take care of, and yeah she took care of her alright. Now everywhere we go, she says something about "Oh Belle was so cute today! You should of seen her, and Tammy, I swear she tries so hard to talk, I can just tell by her little bark she wants to talk to me!" Yeah I kind of get what she means, but I also get she's a little looney toons over that dog.
So today has been a odd day as well. Tiff and mom woke me up, arguing of course, and I swear the best thing to do would be to lock those two in a room together, and let them make up. But, this is my family, so they'd kill each other, and we'd find two dead bodies. Is that too morbid? LOL Lately I wonder if I'm too morbid. Andrea said I'm gross cause I can watch surgery on Discovery channel while eating pizza, but gross and morbid are two different things, right?
On a slightly normal note, I'm just trying to get ready for school on Friday/ I figure my room is reflective on my state of mind, and since I'm feeling all disorganized in my thoughts, it's only natural for my room to be a cluttered mess. I'm trying to clean it, thinking a clean room will be a calm state of mind, therefore I'll be ready for another year at Michigan. Hehe we'll see.

Friday, August 30, 2002

Another time to blog. I wrote out this whole long post last night, but wouldn't you know somewhere it got lost and wouldn't post. Ah well it's just as well anyhow, it was just my late night ramblings about anything I could think up.
Today was pretty uneventful, or at least up to now it has been. Last night I was dreaming about school. Which was fine with me because, it is an end to the endless Blue Lake dreams I was having. I was wondering if I'd soon go insane from spending my summer there! But anyhow, I was dreaming about what else, Cell Bio. Oh and yes, I proved to myself last night that I really can write out the Kreb's Cycle reactions in my sleep! I decided in my sleep (my best ideas always come to me at 3 am) that I should get a larger dry erase board for practicing my structures. LOL I really am insane!
I also had another dream, I dreamed that it was my prom day, only the next day after my prom was my wedding day! It was as though I had forgotten all about it until that very day, and me and Tiffany and Mom were all running around like "chickens with our heads cut off" trying desperately to get everything in order. We were trying to get me into my dress, get my wedding dress ready for the next day, and buy decorations for the wedding the following day. As irony would have it, never once did I ever think anything about my prom date or the future groom. So I'm trying to figure out what the dream meant. Was it just that I've been watching too much of a Wedding Story? Or is this some emotional link to feeling like I'm going right out of my teen years into an adult life. Who knows, but all this craziness in my mind is going to give me an ulcer.
Other than that, yes school starts exactly in one week. I'm just trying to get myself into the right mindset, cause lord knows I never found myself to the right mindset about school last year. The problem is I never really understand what's important to me until I'm forced to look at everything before something crashes and burns. I was almost feeling that way last year, so as a result I'm feeling about as nervous as I did my freshie year. But hopefully I can look back a month from now and smile, because I'll be on the right track! EEEERRR! Life isn't as stressful as it is nervewracking!

Wednesday, August 28, 2002

Huh well what do you know. I decided why not get a blog? Alot of my friends have them, might as well have one of my own. Where to start? Well this could be like an elementary show and tell. Hmm. Well, I spent my summer working at Blue Lake. Talk about a life changing event, hehe. I figured, okay I have this covered, working at Blue Lake for the summer as a counselor will be a piece of cake. I was a camper there, and this will be kind of like that, only combined like with dorm life. Okay so some of this was true. The food was just like it was when I was a camper (oh joy, the memories of Merek food!), and it kind of was like college dorm life in a way, but instead of getting one roommate, I got more like eight roommates, plus six teenage girls to care for 24 hours a day for two weeks, until after two weeks I did it all over again. Plus, drama, drama, drama. Let me just say there were more people coming out of closets then there were closets, or so it seemed. Which is fine with me, I mean, I could care less if someone is gay or straight, this just made for some very interesting conversations with people. I soon realized, everyone at Blue Lake was odd in their very own way, which made me start to wonder what was odd about me? LOL I still haven't figured out what makes me odd, although I'm sure some of my friends from the summer would be more than willing to tell me. :)
So anyways that was my summer. Got to go to Lake Michigan often enough, and I came back with a stellar tan, jeah! Even lost some weight there, go figure not eating and biking and walking miles a day would make an athletically challenged person like me lose a bit of weight. :) I made some lifelong pals, and had a blast not having to worry about stupid things like what will my friends think of me if I am totally spontaneous and do whatever I feel like. And I got to spend the summer doing what I love more than anything, singing. Staff Choir was quite the adventure at times, but I was greatful for the chance to keep the vocal chords exercised.
Almost two weeks has past since I've been home. I still can't get enough of the air conditioning, the free food in that lovely device we call a refridgerator, and not having to dial out on a calling card before I call a friend. And next Friday school starts again. Now I have to wonder if I'm quite ready for school, because last year I had some issues with school. I mean most of my grades were pretty good, or great in fact to a normal person. But to struggle in my field of study, makes one a bit nervous at times. And really, when I think about last year, lots of things happened to make me not do as well as I could have. September 11th for one. I never did really tell anyone how that hurt me. I figured I didn't lose anyone in New York, so I can't say anything. But it was just the realization that maybe I can't make the world a better place, that maybe the world is evil, that kind of came crashing down on me at once. School hardly mattered to me, really. So yeah my grades suffered and no matter how much I stressed over it, school wasn't getting any easier. But this year is different, I have a renewed, if different, kind of faith in life. This is my life, and I have the power to shape it. Hopefully I'll remember this for next year. Heck, I might even become good at this blogging thing.